Obituary of Elaine E. Stillwell

Stillwell – Elaine E., 86, of Rockville Centre, passed away surrounded by family at home on Sunday, April 27th. Beloved mother, grandmother, and inspiration to many, Elaine is survived by her daughter Annie, grandson Christopher, and lovable Beagle, Lily. She was pre-deceased by her husband Joe; parents Adolph and Margaret Edden; brothers, Joseph and Frank Edden; children, Denis and Peggy O’Connor; and black labs, Mickey, Max and Buddy.

Elaine was a graduate of St. Agnes High School, Manhattanville College and has master degrees from the University of Notre Dame and Hofstra University. Elaine’s first career saw her serve as an elementary schoolteacher for 35 years, always proud of her time spent educating others. Upon retirement, Elaine served as Bereavement Coordinator for the Diocese of Rockville Centre for 12 years, assisting 134 parishes in creating vibrant, supportive bereavement ministries. Her impact reached national tragedies as well; after September 11th, she personally helped 500 families who lost loved ones and later supported families affected by the Virginia Tech and Newtown tragedies. She frequently sent bereavement materials to families of fallen servicemen and women, extending her kindness across the nation.

Marked by the tragedy of losing her two eldest children in a car accident in 1986, she turned her unimaginable grief into a force for good, and with her husband Joe, founded a chapter of The Compassionate Friends of Rockville Centre to support other bereaved parents. For over 30 years Elaine used her quick wit, public speaking and writing abilities to provide comfort, encouragement, and a renewed sense of purpose to thousands walking the difficult path of loss. She helped establish multiple support groups across Long Island and beyond, ensuring that no grieving parent, sibling, or family member had to suffer alone.

Elaine also authored several works, including The Death of a Child: Reflections for Grieving Parents, Sweet Memories, and A Forever Angel. All proceeds from her book sales are used to fund The Peggy and Denis O’Connor Scholarship, established in her children’s memory at the University of Dayton. Through her writing, public speaking, faith and personal connections, she lived her heartfelt mission of “sharing Peggy and Denis with the world,” believing deeply that “if their song is to continue, then we must do the singing.”

Elaine received recognition as the 2011 Nassau County Senior Citizen of the Year for her work in founding and leading the Rockville Centre chapter of The Compassionate Friends (which grew to become the largest chapter in the country). She was also awarded by her alma mater, Manhattanville, receiving its 2010 Distinguished Alumni Award. A Charter Member of Bereaved Parents/USA, Elaine played a vital role nationally, serving as Workshop and Keynote Chairman for the 2009 BP/USA Gathering. She spoke at J.I.M.’s Picnic, the Samaritan Ministry, Evanston Hospital, and many other events, always bringing her trademark humor, fierce passion, and healing spirit.

Her deep love for the Blessed Mother was a guiding light in her life and work, sustaining her faith and inspiring all who knew her. She was actively involved in mass preparations at St. Agnes Cathedral and Mercy Hospital’s Chapel, helping with readings, eucharist preparation and music selection. Elaine’s life was a shining example of how to turn profound sorrow into a legacy of love, light, and healing via faith. She will be deeply missed by her family, friends, and the many lives she touched.

Visitation Wednesday, April 30th, from 2-4pm and 7-9pm at Thomas A. Glynn Funeral Home, 20 Lincoln Ave., Rockville Centre. Funeral Mass Thursday, May 1st, 9:45am at St. Agnes Cathedral, Rockville Centre, with Burial following at St. Charles Cemetery, Farmingdale (Section 009, KK #57/59)

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to The Peggy and Denis O’Connor Memorial Scholarship. Please donate online at https://udayton.edu/wesoar/give.php (select Give Today and then type Peggy and Denis O’Connor Memorial Scholarship into the Select Fund Designation Box).